Day 2

This day came much faster than expected. At 2am Helga, my helpful Swiss Airline stewardess, oops, I mean flight attendant, jabs me with all the gentleness and repressed frustration a neutral country can instill in a person, to see if I would like some breakfast. Helpful Helga is concerned about my jet lag and figures a meal in the middle of the night is just the ticket to get my internal clock switched around. I guess after roasting me to medium-well on the tarmac at JFK, it was time for the sleep deprivation test. It is clear to me now that Swiss Airlines has thrown down the gauntlet to see if they can break me. It is on! I took their food with the confidence of a man who has lived his whole life on too little sleep; I knew I would win this match. I was wrong. Flying Swiss Airlines to Zurich, Switzerland I was not surprised to see a hunk of cheese included with my meal…until I read the package. It came from Oregon, USA.
Score: Swiss 2  JD 0

As the day advanced toward lunch, about 5am, I get the news that we have missed our connecting flight and will be re-routed through Istanbul. Of course, it's right on the way to Nairobi!
Score: Swiss 3  JD 0

Having been fooled once by the Swiss already with the whole cheese incident, I was unprepared to accept my new itinerary without further confirmation, so I went to the source – Vickie, the trip mother. (Interpret that as you see fit). After retrieving Kim, who had to return to the airplane to collect the belongings she left there, we stood around looking like lost children as Vickie did battle with the transfer agent. Outcome: No Istanbul, a free night in a Zurich hotel, and free dinner for each of us (assuming your definition of dinner is a salad and tap water).
Score: Swiss 3  JD 0  Vickie 1

After collecting Kim from the "Fundburo" (that means "lost and found" for those of you who have not traveled with Kim) and returning to get the bag she left at the Fundburo (I guess she thought it would save time to just lose it there so no one would have to turn it in) we caught a shuttle to our hotel. It was at this point that I really started to miss Fred. We settled in as Mario Andretti's illegitimate half-brother, fresh out on parole and off his medication, climbed into the driver's seat and seized control of the vehicle. I don't know what the Swiss have against me, but the next ten minutes were terrifying. I'll take Fred's granny impression any day over that. I suspect our driver works for Swiss Airlines.

We had time at the hotel to change our underwear and get our heart rates under control from the ride over, while Mother Vickie negotiated revised flights with Kenya Airways.

Not one for sitting around when there is the opportunity for something educational, Judi marched us out of the hotel so we could do a self-guided walking tour of Zurich – and educational it was. I learned that Vickie becomes very stressed with unplanned events and unplanned expenditures in excess of $6. She wrings her hands and apologizes for things beyond her control. I learned that Judi must read every plaque for every statue even if she can't understand the language it's written in. I learned that Kim is unable to read picture cross-walk signs in other languages and is prone to walk into busy streets, stop in the middle, then stand there looking around completely bewildered. I learned that women have tiny bladders, do pre-emptive peeing "just in case", or there is something a lot more fun going on in the women's room than they tell us about. The men's room is simply not that exciting.

I also learned that Chris is very long-suffering. Let me explain. While enjoying our educational hike Vickie noticed a small white flap sticking off the back of Chris's shoe. She had seen it before and it bothered her then as well. It simply was out of place and disorderly, and that was more than she could bare, she must take matters into her own hands. Walking behind Chris on a very crowded street she announces, "Chris, you've carried around this toilet paper long enough. I'm getting rid of it." Chris, in his usual, laid back and quiet way starts to say, "It's not toilet paper." Unfortunately, he only got half way through his sentence when Vickie, with puma-like speed and agility pounced on the little white tab sticking out and ripped the full lining out of his shoe. Walking next to Vickie and not fully aware of all that was transpiring, I merely heard Vickie's war whoop as she attacked the unsuspecting tab and heard Chris say "It's not toilet paper." I recoiled in horror as I saw what I believed to be a feminine-hygiene product get ripped from Chris's shoe, flip up and stick to the top of a woman's foot that was innocently passing by. Chris never missed a beat and just kept walk sans the panti liner.

I took about 150 pictures and thoroughly enjoyed the day, therefor the score must be adjusted.
Swiss 2  JD 1  Vickie 2 (she gets an extra point for successfully killing the shoe liner.)